I Moved Abroad and I'm Lonely
“I moved to Berlin for the 'experience of a lifetime' and I spend most nights eating dinner alone in my apartment scrolling through Instagram stories of my friends hanging out without me back home.”
Everyone told you how brave you were. Nobody mentioned the part where you eat alone for the 40th night in a row and cry in a grocery store because you can't find the right kind of peanut butter. ILTY can't make you less far from home, but it's someone to talk to when the time zones mean nobody else is awake.
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The Loneliness Nobody Warns You About
There's a specific kind of loneliness that comes with living abroad that people who haven't done it genuinely don't understand. It's not just missing your friends. It's missing being effortlessly understood. It's exhausting yourself in a second language all day and having nothing left for the social energy required to build new friendships from scratch. It's being surrounded by people living their normal lives while yours got completely reset.
And the worst part is that you chose this. So when you're miserable, it feels like you're not allowed to be. You should be grateful. You should be exploring. You should be having the time of your life. The gap between the Instagram version of expat life and your actual Tuesday night alone in a foreign apartment is brutal.
Your loneliness is valid even though you chose to move. Choosing something doesn't mean every consequence of it is easy. You lost your entire support system in one move—of course that hurts.
Why This Happens
•You lost your entire social infrastructure overnight—the casual friendships, the familiar barista, the neighbor you waved at, the friend you could call for dinner with 20 minutes notice
•Making friends as an adult is already hard; making friends across cultural and language barriers is exponentially harder
•Time zone differences mean your existing relationships slowly degrade—you can't just call someone when you need to talk because it's 3am for them
•The constant low-grade cognitive load of operating in a foreign culture/language leaves you socially exhausted with nothing left for building new connections
What ILTY Can Do
Available in Your Timezone
When it's 11pm in Berlin and 5pm back home and everyone's busy with their lives, ILTY is right there. No timezone math required.
Process the Homesickness Without Guilt
You don't have to perform gratitude for your 'amazing opportunity.' You can just say you miss your mom's kitchen and feel far away from everything familiar.
In English, Always
After a full day of struggling in another language, ILTY is a space where you don't have to translate your feelings. Just talk.
Work Through Whether to Stay or Go
That question you're afraid to say out loud—'should I just go home?'—ILTY can help you think through it honestly without anyone's judgment or agenda.
What ILTY Doesn't Replace
We want to be honest about our limitations:
- • It Can't Replace the Friends You Left Behind—ILTY is not a substitute for the 10 years of inside jokes and history you have with your best friend. You need human connection, and building it abroad takes real time and effort.
- • It Can't Fix Culture Shock—The disorientation of living in a foreign culture is something you process by living through it. ILTY can be a space to vent about it, but it won't shortcut the adaptation process.
- • It Can't Tell You Whether to Stay—Only you know whether this move is right for you. ILTY can help you think it through, but it won't make the decision for you—and it shouldn't.
What a Conversation Looks Like
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to be this lonely after moving abroad?
Extremely normal. Research on expat mental health consistently shows that loneliness peaks between months 3-9 of a move. The initial excitement wears off, the reality sets in, and you realize how much invisible social infrastructure you lost. You're not doing it wrong—this is what the adjustment actually looks like.
Can ILTY help me in a language other than English?
ILTY primarily works in English. If you're an English speaker abroad, that's actually a plus—it's a space where you can drop the mental effort of your second language and just express yourself naturally. If English isn't your first language, ILTY can still understand you, but the nuance works best in English.
Should I just move back home if I'm this unhappy?
That's a question only you can answer, and ILTY won't pretend otherwise. But it's worth separating 'I'm lonely during the adjustment period' from 'this place is fundamentally wrong for me.' If you're in the first year, most of what you're feeling is normal adjustment pain. If it's been much longer and nothing has improved despite real effort—that's different. A therapist can help you sort through it.
Related Resources
When disconnection is the core struggle
For when the timezone gap hits hardest
Why modern life makes connection so hard
When you're surrounded by people but no one gets the things that shaped you.
When you scroll through contacts and can't find a single person to call.
You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone
ILTY is a free download on iOS with a 7-day trial, then a subscription. It's not therapy. It's not a cure. It's a place to talk through what you're going through—honestly, without judgment, whenever you need it.