“My mom calls and asks how I'm doing and I say 'great' every single time because if she knew the truth she'd never sleep again.”
You've decided that your parents knowing the truth would hurt them more than your silence hurts you. Maybe you're right. Maybe they'd panic, or hover, or try to fix things in ways that make it worse. But carrying this alone to protect them is its own form of suffering. ILTY gives you a place to be honest about what you're hiding, without anyone getting a worried phone call.
There are a hundred reasons people don't tell their parents they're struggling. Maybe your parents are anxious and your pain would become their crisis. Maybe they come from a culture where mental health isn't discussed. Maybe they'd blame themselves. Maybe they'd say the wrong thing with the right intentions. Maybe you're the child they brag about and you can't bear to shatter that image.
Whatever the reason, the result is the same: you perform wellness for the people who know you longest. You edit phone calls. You curate visits. You become an actor in your own family, and the role is exhausting because you never get to stop playing it.
And here's the quiet tragedy: your parents probably already sense something. Parents usually do. But they're following your lead, waiting for you to bring it up, and you never will because you've decided the truth is something they can't handle.
•Role reversal: you've become the emotional protector of the people who were supposed to protect you, often starting in childhood
•Cultural or generational norms where mental health struggles are seen as personal failure or family shame
•Past experiences where sharing your pain led to your parents' anxiety becoming another thing you had to manage
•Genuine love and care: you don't want the people who gave you everything to feel like they failed
No one will know. Not your parents, not anyone. ILTY doesn't send reports or alerts (unless you're in immediate danger). The things you say here stay here, which means you can finally say them.
You're dealing with your actual struggle AND the exhaustion of hiding it. The Stoic Advisor can help you sit with both layers: the thing itself, and the weight of concealing it from people you love.
Maybe the answer isn't to keep hiding forever. ILTY can help you think through whether telling your parents is right for you, how to frame it, and what you'd need from the conversation. It's your decision, but you don't have to make it alone.
We want to be honest about our limitations:
There's no universal answer. It depends on your parents, your relationship, and what you need. Some parents are better at support than you expect. Others genuinely would make it about themselves. Consider: would telling them relieve pressure or create new pressure? Would they respect your boundaries or override them? A therapist can help you think this through with your specific family in mind.
This is common, especially across generational and cultural divides. You're not obligated to educate your parents or wait for their permission to get help. Seek support independently - a therapist, a trusted friend, a support group, ILTY for daily processing. If your parents can't be part of your mental health support right now, that's painful but workable. You can revisit the conversation later, or not.
No. You're making a judgment call about what your family system can handle, and that's a form of care. But check the reasoning: are you protecting them, or are you protecting yourself from the discomfort of being vulnerable? Both are valid, but they're different motivations and they lead to different conclusions. Be honest with yourself about which one it is.
When the anxiety of hiding your pain compounds the original pain.
Away from home for the first time and hiding how hard it actually is.
Why feeling alone even within your family is more common than it seems.
When you rely on one person for all emotional support and it strains the relationship.
ILTY is free during beta. It's not therapy. It's not a cure. It's a place to talk through what you're going through—honestly, without judgment, whenever you need it.