“I'm having a panic attack and the app tells me to try 4-7-8 breathing. Cool. My lungs work fine. It's my brain that's on fire.”
You don't need instructions on how to breathe. You've been doing it your whole life. What you need is someone who takes what you're going through seriously enough to engage with it beyond 'inhale for four counts.' ILTY doesn't lead with breathing exercises. It leads with actually listening.
Being told to breathe when you're in real distress feels dismissive because it often is dismissive. Not always intentionally, but functionally. When someone offers you a breathing exercise as the first and only response to genuine suffering, it communicates that your problem is simple. And your problems aren't simple.
Breathing exercises have real physiological value. Nobody's arguing they don't. But leading with them when someone is drowning in anxiety or grief or rage is like offering a Band-Aid to someone whose house is on fire. The tool isn't wrong. The timing is.
The fact that you're frustrated by surface-level advice means you're looking for something with actual depth. That's a sign of self-awareness, not ingratitude.
•Most mental health apps default to breathing exercises because they're safe, easy to implement, and work for mild stress, but they fall short for moderate to severe distress
•Breathing techniques address physiological arousal but don't touch the cognitive and emotional content driving the distress
•When you're in acute anxiety, being given instructions to follow can feel controlling and increase the sense of being out of control
•Repeated exposure to the same generic advice creates learned helplessness around digital tools: 'None of them actually get it'
ILTY's first response isn't 'take a deep breath.' It's 'what's happening right now?' It addresses the content of your distress, not just the symptoms.
When you're angry at being patronized, the last thing you need is more patronizing. Mr. Relentless meets your intensity and helps you channel it into something useful.
ILTY assumes you're a capable adult who has already tried the basic stuff. It doesn't start at square one every time.
Instead of just calming you down, ILTY explores what's underneath the distress. Sometimes you need to understand the fire before you put it out.
We want to be honest about our limitations:
Not as a default response. ILTY is conversation-first. If a grounding technique comes up, it's in context and alongside actual engagement with what you're dealing with. It's never the only thing offered.
No, they have real benefits for physiological regulation. The problem is when they're offered as the only tool, or as a first response to complex emotional distress. They're a screwdriver. Great for screws, useless for nails.
ILTY is a conversation, not a program. There are no guided exercises, modules, or prescribed activities. You talk about what's actually going on, and an AI companion engages with it. Whether that's different enough for you depends on what you need, but it's structurally nothing like Headspace or Calm.
The neuroscience behind why breathing exercises fail for many people.
Conversation-based support compared to guided relaxation exercises.
An honest look at the failures of the digital wellness industry.
When sitting in silence gives your anxiety a megaphone.
ILTY is free during beta. It's not therapy. It's not a cure. It's a place to talk through what you're going through—honestly, without judgment, whenever you need it.