A psychological framework explaining how early relationships with caregivers shape your patterns of connection throughout life.
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, proposes that the bonds you formed with your earliest caregivers create a template for how you relate to others throughout life.
There are four main attachment styles: secure (comfortable with closeness and independence), anxious/preoccupied (fears abandonment, seeks constant reassurance), avoidant/dismissive (uncomfortable with emotional closeness, values independence), and disorganized/fearful (wants closeness but fears it).
Your attachment style isn't destiny. While it's shaped in childhood, it can change through therapy, healthy relationships, and self-awareness. Understanding your attachment patterns helps explain recurring relationship dynamics that might otherwise seem mysterious.
ILTY helps you explore attachment patterns as they show up in your life. When you describe relationship anxieties—like constantly checking if your partner is upset, or pulling away when things get close—ILTY can help you see these through an attachment lens.
An anxious attachment style might look like: your partner doesn't text back for an hour and you spiral into 'they're losing interest.' You send three follow-up texts. When they respond normally, you feel relieved but also embarrassed. This pattern repeats.
The ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in healthy ways, rather than being controlled by them.
Treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend—acknowledging suffering without harsh self-judgment.
The harsh internal voice that judges, criticizes, and undermines you—often mistaken for motivation or truth.
Understanding concepts is valuable. Applying them to your own life is where the change happens. ILTY helps you do both.